One day you will get to a point in your journey where the joy is worth the pain. What do I mean by that? Well, for example today, I saw of video of Lauren; I heard her voice and her laughter. This video was of a Valentines card I gave her; it was a pig singing with wings. Lauren’s cat was attacking that card and she was laughing. Each time noticing something of her – her personality, how she decorated her room, the stuffed animal on her bed, the rings on her fingers. Yes, I will take in every aspect of my girl. Oh…. how I miss that voice. I miss everything about my sweet girl. Yet, I will replay it over and over. That simple video brought immeasurable joy. As I sit and write this, I can close my eyes and feel her hair and smell her favorite perfume.
I Know There Is Growth
As tears run down my face, I know there is growth. While I cry, I am experiencing love and joy. I am not devastated and headed to my bed. Nor I did not have a panic attack, nor did I need to take medication. I did not need to use techniques to calm my heart or help ground me. An unexpected video played, and I did not crash and burn. Do I love her any less? Of course, not. Emotional growth is a journey of self-discovery, joy, and understanding. It can be both challenging and rewarding, as it consists of dealing with difficult memories while also experiencing moments of sweet love and happiness.
Embrace The Challenge Of Growth
As we embrace the challenge of growing emotionally, we begin to reflect on our lives in new ways that lead us towards clarity and emotional strength. Emotional growth helps us learn how to experience life in its entirety – the good, the bad, and the utterly tragic – allowing us to develop our long-term resilience.
Reflecting
When joy is worth the pain? What? Grief can be a difficult emotion to manage and cope with, but it’s important to remember that joy can also be found in the midst of grief. Growth does not mean to hold in emotion, but instead reflecting on sweet memories and realizing emotional growth has occurred. Even as we cry over a memory, we can find joy and reflect on the love shared between us. Thinking back on moments of genuine connection and immense love is healing. It’s an opportunity to appreciate how far we’ve come since their passing, acknowledging our growth over time and celebrating our resilience. So yes, I will replay this video and I will treasure every aspect of my girl.
So, if you can experience a memory of someone you never thought you could live without and feel joy at experiencing such a memory, validate yourself. Tell yourself how much you have grown and how far you’ve come. For me this growth has come in small increments and today I see more growth. What if next time I experience a memory, or a Lauren moment, and I do go to bed and cry? Am I wrong? Have I slid backwards in my grief? No, not at all. It will always be one step forward and two steps backwards. I know and recognize that; I refuse to beat myself up over it. But today? Today I validate myself.