Holding onto unforgiveness can also impact our ability to process through grief. What does it mean to forgive? It means different things to different people. To me, forgiveness means to intentionally decide to let go of being consumed with resentment, anger, and immense emotional baggage. Like we’ve all heard at one time or another, holding onto unforgiveness is like taking poison and expecting someone else to die. Being consumed with unforgiveness, or resentment and anger, impacts our grief journey. Letting go improves mental health and will have lasting impact on moving forward.
Be Free
Be free of all the negative emotions you are holding onto when you have been wronged. Do you think the person that wronged you cares if you hold resentment? Do you feel someone wronged you by causing the death of a loved one? I did. I was wronged. My Lauren was wronged. Someone murdered my daughter intentionally and I had bottled up anger. Forgiveness doesn’t mean what the person did was OK. It means you will not live in bitterness, anger, and be self-consumed in the wrongness. I realized all my anger had no impact on the person that murdered my daughter; he could not care less. So, who was I hurting? I was hurting myself. By freeing myself from the negative emotions of “him”, I made a choice to live in peace and to move forward in my grief journey.
Take Your Power Back
Forgiveness means personal empowerment. Again, forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning the behavior, but it means not allowing what happened to invade every aspect of your life. During the trial, the person that murdered my girl wanted power. He was all about power. Power over women, power over life and death, power of controlling emotions. During the trial, he blew kisses at me and made vulgar expressions.
Did He Care?
Did he care I hated him? Did he care I was so angry at him that I felt like I could pull the trigger and end his life myself? Do you think he cared? He did numerous vile acts during the trial that made it evident he was about inflicting pain. He had a history of inflicting pain. He inflicted pain and emotional damage to other women that testified in the courtroom. If all my anger and hatred had absolutely no effect on him but only caused me emotional and physical pain, why would I hold on to it?
After his conviction, I was allowed to make an impact statement. He was cuffed, hands behind his back, and surrounded by police officers. He was forced to stand and look at me. I talked about Lauren and what a giving, loving person she was. I then stated he thought he had all the power but in reality, he had none. He had no power where my beautiful daughter spent eternity. He had no power over me, or anyone else, in the courtroom. I asked everyone in that courtroom that was holding onto hatred to lay it on the floor of that courtroom. I told each person to NOT give him power of any kind. I looked straight at “him” and said for the rest of his natural life he would be powerless. Every aspect of his life would now be controlled. He was powerless. I took his power away.
Release
Release the hold, of that person that hurt you, and experience freedom. Releasing all that consuming negativity will improve your mental and physical health. You will have less anxiety, lower blood pressure, resolved stomach issues, and the list keeps going. Holding on to unforgiveness, or consuming resentment, only hurts you. Living a life well lived is the best revenge. Letting go is a choice. Letting the thing that happened not consume you is a choice. Make that choice to release all the resentment, hatred, and anger. Live a life well lived.